The enemy beneath you

Shoes, these are first in the category of things you learn as you go, apparently some crazed asshole decided to try and blow up a plane with a set of explosives he had in his shoes, he was smartly dubbed the “Shoe Bomber” and made everyone else’s life a living hell by forcing the Transportation Authority to require all passengers remove their shoes and enter them through the X-RAY system, thus allowing them to be inspected for explosive devices. The major downfall of this decision is that the line gets noticeably rank when you reach the last yard or so, it might be your feet you smell, but it very well could be the feet of the large un-deodorized/showered passenger in front of you. Hold your breath and pray you don’t fall unconscious which will hold up the large line behind you, people don’t like that. So that you do not become the one known as “The Odor” I would highly recommend that you use deodorizers in your shoes, or at least wash them once in a while.

Smell isn’t the only problem; shoelaces are just as big of an enemy. Let me ask you this, how long does it take to bend down and un-tie your shoes to take them off and present them for the X-RAY machine? Probably not very long, but that entire time you are doing this your ass is in another passengers face. This is not fun nor is it welcome. So the conundrum stands how do you manage to either keep your ass out of someone’s face? Or at least knock down the amount of time it is within someone’s personal space? Easy, wear any form of footwear that you can slip on and off with ease, do the two foot hustle and slip off each shoe using the other foot, flip flops are nice they can pretty much be stepped out of. This will ensure all you have to do is bend over or kneel down with a quick swoop to pick them up, and when you put them on, toss them on the floor and slip into them without having to bend over pushing your cushy seat into someone else’s zone.

Here’s one last quick note on shoes, remove them before you need to, it’s good practice to start removing your shoes about 10 feet before you get to the part of the line where it suddenly becomes a requirement. This allows you to be ahead of the game and surprisingly people will either start to follow your lead speeding up the process or they will question you as if you’re crazy and after you have explained it to them, they will see the light and understand that it is a good idea. This is only not a good idea if one of the people following your lead falls into the category of smell, the unpleasant part of the line will start earlier than expected.

Where to begin?

With every trip I take there seems to be common factors of what the traveler should and should not do, half of these are written in large lettering with bold type font and all kinds of exclamation marks, others are yelled out to you as you enter the security screening lines and checkpoints, but the worst ones are simply what you are not told and find out when some large guy with a mean stare is getting pissed off at you for not already knowing.

That’s OK, you’re not alone, and everybody at first gets yelled at for not knowing how to read minds and relying on people to tell them what to do. We’re only human and not necessarily smart in the eyes of the representatives that herd us through the rope lines like we’re cattle being brought in for the slaughter. This is where a little bit of knowledge comes in handy, there are things to know about and things to practice heavily while traveling through these security check points, most of it is learned as you go, and only some of it is common sense. I personally have witnessed both of these situations come to a bad conclusion for some poor person being taken aside for some rubber glove love, If only they had listened and or used common sense, this might not have happened.

The most important thing of all lessons that will blend themselves into your memory after reading anything I have to say is that you should always have your passport/identification and boarding pass ready for inspection, it will be checked an average of 5 times before you make it to your gate. You can opt to wear the odd-looking neck hanger that makes you look more like a tourist then you probably want, or go for the much simpler and still yet effective “it’s in my hand” statement.